Tamanchey is a love story of small-time crooks Raja and Babu. They meet, they fight, they make love and then the inevitable happens. Or shall we say, the obvious happens. Babu disappears into thin air leaving Raja in a lurch. The dismayed lover boy sets out to find her and bumps into Rana.

Two criminals Munna Mishra (Nikhil Dwivedi) and Babu (Richa Chadda) meet in one of the weirdest situations possible, in a valley during a deadly police van accident which kills all the policemen and criminals except these two. Eyes meet, sparks fly and they exchange hearts. Now, two extra adventurous guys are on a run but every now and then fall prey to stupid cupid and thus they keep taking shelters inside secluded buildings and trains.

For this dish, you need to assemble the following. Girl. Should be able to handle guns and talk tough. Also, should be able to carry off tight spaghetti straps and razor backs. Needs to be from Delhi, because that's where all the tough girls are from, right?

In more adept hands, a thriller peopled by a two-timing gangster's moll, a spiky small-time crook on the run from the law and a cranky Haryanvi muscleman might have been an enjoyably zany ride through the dark alleyways of the Delhi underworld. Tamanchey falls way short of the mark. A stodgy and aimless noir drama, it is a rusty gun that fires noisy blanks without making any impact at all. The reason is obvious: the film's makers are like a bunch of over-ambitious swimmers who've never been in a pool before but have ill-advisedly set out to cross the Strait of Gibraltar.